Crematrix

One way I’m keeping post-graduation ennui/angst away is seeing a mess of flicks. Two films I saw on concurrent days were box office blockbuster Matrix Reloaded and art film blockbuster Cremaster 3. Both films are epic spectacles with huge budgets, fantastic sets, and striking imagery. They also feature plot lines that are opaque and that require one to have seen the previous installments to get what was going on. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I found I was getting the two movies confused. So I made this easy-to-use table to help those in similar situations.

MATRIX CREMASTER 3
Features a protagonist called “The One” Features a protagonist called “The Apprentice”
Features a bad guy who is an architect Features a bad guy who is an architect
Features a key scene that takes place in an art deco restaurant high up in a skyscraper Features a key scene that takes place in an art deco restaurant high up in a skyscraper
Features a bunch of goons in suits harkening back to the 1950s Features a bunch of goons in suits harkening back to the 1940s
Features an a couple bad guys in white who can go through walls Features Richard Serra (who plays a bad guy) dressed in black who throws molten vaseline at a wall
Features an epic car chase scene Features an epic demolition derby in the lobby of the Chrysler Building
Protagonist wear a cool black clothes Protagonist wears a cool pink kilt
Features an extended rave scene Features an extended mosh pit scene
Features 100 Hugo Weaving clones in shades Features 100 Dancing girls in sheep outfits
Protagonist has a portal hole in the back of his head Protagonist has ambiguous gentialia which looks remarkably like the portal hole in the back of Neo’s head
Protagonist can fly Protagonist can shit teeth out of his distended asshole
About a half hour too long About a half hour too long
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